I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
