She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
