you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
