ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
