why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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