I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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