I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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