He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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