I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
