Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
