ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
