I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
