I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
