I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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