that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize