Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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