I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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