Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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