I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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