The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
