Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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