I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
