remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
