so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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