the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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