Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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