In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We just shotgunned beers for America
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize