he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize