I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
