You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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