The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
