apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
