the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
