just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize