I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
