so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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