I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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