I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
