Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
