He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize