my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
