I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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