i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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