**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
