My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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