Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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