final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
