just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
