its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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