I looked at my own cervix.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
