Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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