Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
the liver wants what the liver wants
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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