so that wasnt chicken after all
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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