Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Please don't give away my fajitas
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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