He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
