I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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