I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize