I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
