so that wasnt chicken after all
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
