I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
