Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize