I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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