pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize