she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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