I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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