I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
