I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
