i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
