And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
