then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
