I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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