This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
