and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
