apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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