Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
