Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
