I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
