I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize