I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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