last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
