Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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