eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize