my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
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