I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
