Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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