I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
