Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
