I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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