My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
