mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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