Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
