My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
