I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
