Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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