I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
