mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
