so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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