i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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