oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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