I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
