I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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