Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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