Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
