I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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