nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
