I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Randomize
