I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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